my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
