apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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