and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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