the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
