I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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