We need to rekindle our bromance
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will be naked everywhere
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize