That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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