see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
