so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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