the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
