That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
