oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
