everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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