I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
