it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
