i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you bring me the toilet please
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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