I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
