ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
