did you get engaged???
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
