Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
