Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize