he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
