Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
