i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
