FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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