I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
