im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
