she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
