Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
