How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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