I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
