Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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