Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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