now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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