If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
