If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
