ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
