You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
