I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
