hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
