I faked an abortion last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
