either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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