I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
