some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize