First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
