Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
