i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
