suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
