i barfeds in our rink
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
