I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
