My friends, they love my intelligence
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
