i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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