Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
