I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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