last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
