Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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