dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
