dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
why does every cop we meet know your name?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
