My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
