I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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