She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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