goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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