Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
