just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
