Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
