i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
