I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my poor anus
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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