I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
