When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
