he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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