You don't have asthma, your pregnant
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize