You work out of a Hotel?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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