I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
